When we see a friend doing something that is hurting themselves or hurting someone else–or is just wrong–it’s often much more difficult to call them out on their action that it would be if they were not our friend. When enemies do things we don’t appreciate, it’s much easier to adopt a confrontational stance–we don’t have the same investment in those people we do in our friends. We care less that they might not like us or our actions–in fact, we expect they will not.
But, even though it may be harder, it is even more important that we be clear with friends and loved ones about our values, our boundaries and the like. Friends need not agree with us on every point, but if they are making decisions that might hurt them, it is our responsibility to point that out. And, when doing so, that’s when we learn the hard lessons about communication. That’s when we need to learn the lessons of real emotional intelligence, of non-violent communication techniques and the like.
When we communicate with enemies (witness much of the current political discourse in our country today), we often go out of the way to make them feel stupid, incompetent, immoral, etc. But when you communicate in ways that do that, you virtually assure that instead of hearing you and considering your point of view, they will be triggered to push back, to try and hurt you back… and never really hear your argument. In short, communication will fail.
Real communication is a wizard superpower–one of the more important meta skills I discuss in The Wizard’s Way books. So, have you practiced your communications skills lately? The ability to engage in meaningful conversation with your supposed “enemies” is way to build your personal power, and well worth your practice!
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